by Lori Merrill
Recently I had lunch with a friend. This particular friend has been through many trials in her life lately. We visited about those difficulties, but ultimately our conversation centered around our children, as often is the case, with mothers. As we shared with one another about the joys of having young adult children we also shared about how difficult this stage of life is. We laughed about how older women used to warn us about this stage of life, but we thought they were crazy. In fact, I recalled how I thought one friend was so discouraging years ago when she told me this was the hardest stage of parenting. My thought was–Seriously?! I walked away thinking she was pessimistic or what some might call a ‘Debbie downer’! My thought today is: If this is the most difficult stage of parenting and they stay in the adult stage the majority of life then it is going to be a loooonnnnggggg life!
However, I LOVE this stage of parenting too. So, maybe it is more like a love/hate relationship. There is so much fun during this time because like so many other stages of parenting, I love being with my children and love to have fun with them. It is a joy to watch them mature and begin to make wise adult decisions. It is a blessing to have your children as friends and to be able to discuss deep spiritual issues with them. It is incredible to have them ask your advice and watch them struggle through decisions in which they are seeking the Lord’s will. At the same time it is heartbreaking to watch them make selfish decisions or decisions where it appears God didn’t cross their mind.
So, this led me to begin asking some questions of God that went like this:
- Is my heart too attached?
- If I try to detach from them will it hurt less? Is that possible?
- Is there ever relief from the concern (sometimes anxiousness) that comes from being a mother?
- What were You thinking Lord, when you created a Mother’s Heart?
I think I must have voiced some of these questions indirectly in the conversation with my friend because that same evening my friend sent me this quote that someone had given her years ago that was written by a mother to her child.
“Before you were conceived, I wanted you, before you were born, I loved you, when you were born, I saw your face and knew I was in love. Before you were here an hour I knew I would die for you. To this day I will.”
Wow! It is so true. Yet, as my friend said–This is the same thing God says about us, except instead of, “I will die for you”, it is, “I did die for you.”
So, in regard to the last question–God knew exactly what He was doing when He created a Mother’s heart. He made it a lot like His.
In His Love,
Lori
Thanks Diane. Thank you to you as well for sharing!
Many Blessings,
Thanks Gena! You are right, it does goes quick. That is why we have to keep our focus on our Heavenly Father!
Having my oldest leaving for college in 3 short weeks, I have been trying to find that right balance of parenting to give him in these last few weeks…This was absolutely perfectly timed for those of us in this position! I lay awake at night and worry “have I taught him everything I was supposed to?” and try to remember what I still want to tell him…I just thank God that HE loves him more than I do and while I will not be with Him every day any more, my Savior will. This gives my heart comfort and peace. But my heart is VERY attached and I think that is what will keep me praying for him daily!
I thank God for His grace that will fill each gap that we missed and each mistake we made for we were not perfect parents,me not a perfect mother to be sure. I think we weren’t meant to meet all his needs otherwise, our son never would have felt a need for a Savior.
I am so glad I was given the opportunity to be his Mom. Yes, this Mother’s Heart is a little sad, a little excited, a little scared, and I sure am going to miss those daily hugs…so I guess my car will log a few more miles per year in our car than before when I get to missing them to much…but I can’t hover too much because that child has got to continue on the path to becoming the man God wants Him to be…but who am I kidding…this Mother’s heart is hurting! No, I don’t think I can detach from him, he is part of my heart. I think it is about finding the balance…
I think the quote got the Mother’s heart right…it was in existence before we even conceived our little ones. Or, if a woman adopted her children, God wove those children also into her heart. I once heard a very wise woman say that her favorite stage of parenting was…ALL OF THEM…there was something she loved about every stage. I loved that you said the same, Lori. I don’t know what God was thinking when He created a Mother’s heart or if there is ever truly relief from the concern we feel, but this I know for certain, as I watch my son began to walk tall and strong into adulthood, I am certain God knew what He was doing! Thanks so much for sharing! You are just the best!
Only By His Grace,
Diane
Ok, this one made me cry. We have 5(SHORT) years before our first baby chick will leave the nest, but knowing how fast the first 13 years has flown by, I know I will blink and she’ll be off… Thanks for letting us see how to struggle with this in a godly way