by Carla Collier
I don’t remember whether I heard it on the radio or if I read it in a book or magazine, but the words of pastor and author Charles Swindoll struck me at the time and have stayed with me like a warning through the years, “No divorce is caused by a blow out, it is always due to a slow leak”. As my husband and I approach our 25th wedding anniversary, I have been contemplating the grace of God in protecting and preserving our marriage and remembering that while there are no guarantees in marriage, it is a good idea to check the “tire pressure” in our marriages on a regular basis.
So what would a “10- Point Inspection” on your marriage encompass? Here is a possible list:
1. Communication- How would you rate your communication with your husband? Do conversations focus only on practical household matters and the children or do you discuss ideas, goals and dreams? Is your communication respectful of each other or argumentative and accusatory? Do you make time to talk or is your spare time filled with other activities? Do you intentionally use words daily to build up and encourage your husband? Are you a good listener?
2. Transparency- Do you keep secrets from each other (not Birthday gifts!) or do you share openly with each other?
3. Romance- Do you date your mate? When was the last time you had a “getaway” just the two of you? What were the things you did when you were falling in love: sweet notes, surprises, phone calls just to say “I love you”, etc.? Are you still doing those things?
4. Fun and Friendship-Do you laugh together and enjoy one another?
5. Intimacy- Are you expressing love to each other physically? Do you hug, kiss and hold hands? Are you intimate on a regular basis?
6. Loyalty- Do you always speak highly of your husband to others, focusing on his strengths instead of his faults? Do you and your husband have photos on your desk at your workplace that remind you (and coworkers) that you are happily married?
7. Fidelity- Do you save all your flirting for your husband? Do you dress and behave modestly around other men? Are you careful in conversations and relationships with other men to keep a proper distance to avoid an inappropriate emotional attachment.
8. Forgiveness- Do you keep a record of offenses or do you forgive from your heart?
9. Home- Is the atmosphere in your home inviting and pleasant?
10. Personal appearance- Aging is inevitable, but are you taking care of yourself to remain healthy and attractive to your husband?
For the ultimate marriage checklist read Song of Solomon and I Corinthians 13: 4-8a! Above all else pray. Pray for humility, insight, love and God’s sovereign protection over your marriage. As with everything in life that is worthwhile, marriage takes effort. Fortunately, the God who created love and marriage also supplies all that we need to live a victorious Christian life (see I Peter 1:3). So let’s roll up our sleeves, get creative, and do a little protective maintenance on our marriages so we can make it for the long haul!
