by Marcia Newkirk
Many women reading this post today may feel a sense of disappointment or frustration because even though they have grown spiritually through the Keepers Bible Study and are seeking to live by God’s priorities for their life their husband does not have the same passion for the Lord. Maybe he is not a Christian, or possibly he is a believer but isn’t growing or leading the family spiritually. Perhaps he isn’t even present for various reasons–deployment, business travel, incarceration, death or divorce–and you are a single mom overwhelmed with having to “do it all” alone. The question I have been asked to address today is who is to be the spiritual head of the home? Ideally, in Scripture we are told the husband is the spiritual leader (Ephesians 5). However, many times today our husbands do not know or live out this principle. What is a wife to do if her husband is not taking the initiative to lead in prayer, Bible study or devotions in our home? Do we sit and wait quietly for our husband to lead? Do we lead since he is not doing it? Do we have our own “quiet time” without our husband? Do we ask our husband to lead us? What works, what doesn’t? What is scriptural and what is not? Who is responsible for my spiritual growth and the spiritual training of my children? There are indeed many questions that surround this subject. These questions are especially on the forefront when we have children and a burning desire to see them grow up in the Lord and His Word.
First of all, let us remember that Scripture says God is the husband to the widow and the father to the fatherless (Isaiah 54:5). He desires to meet every need we have. He loves us individually, unconditionally and faithfully (Lamentations 3:23). Bask in that thought today! He is sovereign. He knows what is going on in the privacy of our homes. He cares for you, even in the small details of life.
Next, every person male or female is responsible for their own spiritual growth. We are to desire and participate in church attendance, prayer, Bible study, and daily surrender of our lives to Christ. We are to live out the gospel in front of our family and friends each day. As wives, we have the awesome privilege of living a holy, godly life in front of our husband, whether they are the Christian leader in our home or not. 1 Peter 3 tells us that we should not merely care for the outside dressing of our bodies but also for our hearts. It reminds us that a quiet and submissive character will do more to encourage our husband than any amount of nagging or preaching might do. It is never within our calling as wives to run down, demean, speak against, or complain about our husband. Instead we are told to love our husband (Titus 2:4). Affirm your husband–don’t complain about what he is not doing, but instead encourage him in the light of Scripture (Ephesians 5:33). We are responsible for our own heart, not for “making” our husband into what we desire him to be. This is a work only God can do. Do not compare your husband to your friend’s husband–this is counterproductive. We are to be content, free from jealousy over what someone else has (Psalm 119:36). Be filled with joy and thankful for the relationship you have (Colossians 3:15).
Ephesians 6 tells us to never provoke our children to anger but instead lead them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. This passage is addressed to parents, not just fathers (Ephesians 6:4). As mothers we are often given many more opportunities to train our children. Do you pray with them at meals and bedtime? Do you speak of the Creator of the universe when you are walking outside and enjoying God’s creation? Do you encourage them to read Scripture on their own as they are learning to read? Do you demonstrate by example that you love God’s Word and His people? We are blessed with many chances to live the gospel in front of our children and grandchildren. Do not become weary in this high calling. Our children are never again the age they are today. Don’t neglect their spiritual feeding any more than you would neglect their physical eating–we need God’s Word even more than food. We all love Proverbs 31 and often refer to its teaching, remember that these words were a reflection of a mother teaching her son! Don’t neglect this vital privilege of life.
Finally, no matter what kind of home you live in, pray, pray, pray! Lift up your husband in prayer every day: pray for God to speak to him, lead him, and protect him. Pray for his spiritual growth instead of nagging him. Pray for your children each day. Ask God to provide you wisdom, energy and desire to speak of Him often throughout each day. Do not become weary in well doing–God promises us He hears our cries when we humbly come before Him consistently and faithfully. Ask God to increase your hunger for intimacy with Him. He will not disappoint or let you down; He is faithful even when we are not. Abide in Him and ask Him to provide rest for your soul as you seek to live an obedient, godly life in front of your family and friends.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
